How could I ever forget the day I found out my baby no longer had a heart beat?? Going to sleep that night seemed near impossible. The weight of the world had just been dropped on my shoulders. What do I do now? Any answers, were beyond me. Crying, I lay on my back in bed. The blinds were opened, and I could see out of the window at the moon and stars. I knew Thalia was "gone," and thinking she was in heaven happily and safe, was far more comforting than admitting she had died.

Oddly, I worried that she would be lonely and afraid. I talked to her and told her, I missed her. I said good night to her and told her not to be sad that Mommy was crying. I recall the sinking emptiness inside of me, wishing the hollowness would go away. I begged God to bring her back. And I remember thinking I had failed terribly as a mother.

(July 2005) It has been almost five years since my Thalia received her angel wings. I’ll never "get over" her death. However, I have learned to take small steps forward toward healing. I’ve learned to find joy and laughter again... but most importantly I’ve learned the preciousness of life.

I now celebrate the nine months I carried Thalia in my tummy. I honor her life and speak of her often and with happiness. I am grateful that in her death, I’ve grown and been taught many lessons about living life in the moment.

I will never forget my pregnancy. The memory of Thalia’s curly hair, her tiny feet, and her sweet face will forever be etched in my mind. Likewise, I will never put out of my thoughts, hearing the doctor tell me "I am sorry I cannot find a heart beat." I am not the same person I was before Thalia died. My life has changed drastically. There is no doubt in my heart and soul however that I have been blessed by Thalia’s life and her death.

***Thalia's death was an umbilical cord "accident" at 40 weeks gestation. She was born silently to the angels October 18th, 2000.

~~Thalia's Mommie - Princess Irene